How to build sensible obedience through an initiative
In this article, we summarize the research conducted by us, teachers at the Escalibur Camp camps. For several years now, we have been changing shifts in our children’s camps. One of the key questions that is important when communicating and working with children is how to make them interested in doing something. How can parents and educators create interest and involvement in a child? This is what we, teachers, have come to on the basis of experience gained over almost a dozen shifts.
As you probably already guessed, this article will discuss the differences between such concepts of raising a child as obedience and initiative. On the one hand, each parent wants to see his daughter or his son obedient, disciplined. On the other hand, in order to be successful in a future life, it would be good for the child to be active and proactive. Under a lying stone, water does not flow, right?
During conversations with parents, before sending children to the camp, I had to listen to such wishes very often: “You, most importantly, see that he does not indulge in your camp. And make sure that he does not sit in the corner, but is a leader and leader among his peers. ”
Hm. At first glance, these are really two different aspects of the education of any child. Not only are they different – they are often opposed to each other. Either in the classroom, group, or obedient quiet man.
We, adults and serious parents, are always required to obey. We must follow the rules of the road, the rules of conduct in the subway, the standards of sales of the company. In the hypermarket, laying out on the tape at the cash register the purchases before payment, we must separate our purchases from the others with a metal bar with the inscription “next customer”. We know that this is sometimes easier. It’s easier to live if I’m driving on the right side of the road, it’s easier if I keep a commuter train ticket in my pocket until the end of the trip. Well, yes, those who charge electric trains will understand me.
And if obedience is required of us, then we also demand it. At our children. “Listen to what I’m telling you!” Is probably the most popular phrase of all time.
Notice, friends, what a strange paradox. We are told that you obey, obey, obey. We tell this to our children.
At the same time, we hear: take everything from life, be a winner, defeat everyone. We say the same thing to children – dear, you listen, and you must be the best, come up with something unusual, out of the ordinary. Son, you must be obedient, disciplined, the strongest, most dexterous, stand out among others, protect girls and not run in physical education classes.
When we started our children’s camps, we asked ourselves the following question – the guys should go into game fights, come up with ideas for their films, assemble a team for orientation. For these matters, activity and perseverance are needed.
But to build in order, to keep the bow exactly as it should, when making a leather bag to hold the scissors horizontally – this requires obedience and discipline. And we did this kind of research. They asked the guys what, according to their own expert opinion, is more important for them. The answers surprised us: you, educators, give us the opportunity to take the initiative, and we will … we will obey. Therefore, when we started, for example, a lesson in the manufacture of clay figures, before explaining in a strict voice what and how we would do, we interviewed the guys for several minutes. Who wants to sit where? What color of clay do you like more? Who will be the eldest in the group? Who will cut, and who first wants to sculpt?
And it’s strange. More precisely, nothing strange, the children wanted to do what they themselves invented. Especially when we finalized their ideas according to the principle: since Petya wants to cut clay, he will sculpt and watch others cut. Nevertheless, our attempts to immediately and without fail insist on our decisions very often failed, but there are more children))
It is useless to say – be obedient and be a fighter. Better to say – be a fighter and listen to what they say. Engage first, and then format, not vice versa!
It turns out that our goal, the task as parents for the future, is to make our children both active and obedient. And the first, perhaps the most important step for this important matter is to not rush to format the child, to discourage him from being active, to do something. Do not rush, he will not run away from you anywhere. Give him the opportunity to do something, albeit incorrectly, the main thing then to explain in detail to him what are the rules in this game. What actions lead to victory, how their observance will allow to achieve a result, and how to obey these rules.
Try to do this very briefly, a week or two, and you will notice that the children look at you with completely different eyes. And they become both active and obedient. In our camps “Escalibur-Camp” it turns out.