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How to wean a child to cry for no reason

I have been working at school with children of primary school age for more than 20 years. I have accumulated many different school stories about difficulties in raising children and ways to overcome these difficulties, which may be useful to parents, teachers, and psychologists.
I want to share one such story. She happened to a girl, let her name be Tanya, like the girl from the children’s poem Agnia Barto, who wept loudly.
Tanya came to school armed with 1000 and another 1 way of manipulation. Therefore, she did not develop friendly relations with classmates and with me. Why everyone suffered: I, and the children, and Tanya herself. Mom came to school and asked what was wrong, why the children did not want to be friends …
To make my life easier, I began to teach Tanya a little bit of rationalization and constructive communication.
For example, Tanya loves to sob;)
We went all class to bowling. Fuss, fun, pizza, balls … And Tanya sits among this holiday of life and weeps.

I tried to talk with Tanya constructively. Of course, that’s not at all interesting. And Tanya did not make contact. Tears intensified.

I drove Tanya away from the children. And she sincerely said with sympathy that when she feels better, just like that because people don’t cry, we’ll talk with her and she will be able to return to the children. And now you can cry everything to the droplet.

Solitude did not last long. Pretty quickly, Tanya came up in a good mood and asked to return to the children.
Turn. I am watching the picture. Tanya enters the classroom. He sits at the desk and begins to cause tears. And they are already close.

With a smile, I am benevolently telling Tanya: “I see that you learned perfectly at our lessons that the mood is from the word to tune. Why are you tuning in to tears? ”

Of course, she did not like this way of posing the question.

I get a picture of Fishbone:

And I suggest thinking:

The head of a fish is a problem. Because problems, as a rule, are in our heads, we invent them ourselves. We have a problem: Tanya is crying.

Building a skeleton: the first bone is the first reason that led to this problem.

I ask if Tanya has an answer, what is the reason why you are crying?

Tanya looks at me displeasedly. And refuses to think.

I say: I will help you because I know. The reason is that Tanya does not know how to communicate, and to draw attention to herself, she cries.

The second bone is the consequence that this reason led to.

And here is the result, and not one: it is not clear what is happening, Tanya is crying, it is unpleasant for me in this situation, but worst of all, nothing is changing for the better.

The fish turned out to be small, with only two bones.

Tail – conclusions and recommendations to herself.

Tanya, what could be done differently?

It turns out that you could just go up to Irina Nikolaevna and tell about the unpleasant situation that I got into and couldn’t resolve myself (so far I couldn’t, and when you learn how to communicate, you can) and ask for help.

And now a second fish has come up, with the help of which we have analyzed the situation that was behind the first fish.
Lesson. We decide, we write. Tanya is crying. I do not pay attention, because it has been agreed many times that there are constructive ways of communicating.

Nikita raises her hand and says: “And Tanya is crying!”

To which I tell the children: “I will tell you a story, and you will think about what I mean …

Was it really or not – no one really knows, but the parable says that one day the Buddha and his disciples walked across the field and saw the ox fall into a large hole with a peasant. The peasant went down into the pit and tried to pull out the ox, but he did not succeed.
Then Buddha told his disciples to help the peasant. The disciples jumped into the pit, helped the peasant to pull out the ox and went on with the Buddha.
After some time, they saw the situation: the peasant was sitting on the edge of the pit and wept bitterly. Buddha looked at him and, without saying a word, went on.
The students were surprised and asked:
“Teacher, why didn’t you order us to help this peasant?”
Buddha looked at the disciples and asked them:
– How exactly to help? Help cry?
Children who understand … ”

I did not have time to finish, as Tanya already said: “I understand.”
It was a long job. And she brought results. Tanya does not cry for us. Tanya is talking.
How to wean a child to cry for no reason, if he already has such a habit?

Most likely, you will not be able to do this quickly.
Therefore, have patience and goodwill.
Get ready to work in the “hackneyed record” mode – children’s experience is “nullified” quickly.
Gently deprive the small sobbing audience.
Have explanatory conversations. To help you tales, parables, instructive stories from your own life.
Learn to include brains: Why? How can I do otherwise? Use Fishbone Technology. It will help to analyze the behavior, see clearly the cause-effect relationships and the meaninglessness of crocodile tears.
Instead of sobbing, teach new constructive behavior. Suggest ways to respond, for starters, yourself.
Teach your child to look for ways of constructive behavior.

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