Developmental Psychology and the Divide and Conquer Principle
My friend, a psychologist-colleague, sitting at someone else's group seminar as a “supervision”, whispered to me somehow whimsically-pouted in my ear (as he generally likes to do this): “I don’t…

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Developmental Psychology and the Divide and Conquer Principle
My friend, a psychologist-colleague, sitting at someone else's group seminar as a “supervision”, whispered to me somehow whimsically-pouted in my ear (as he generally likes to do this): “I don’t…

Continue reading →

Breaking up a relationship as a way to overcome a conflict with a child
So, the situation with your child is at an impasse. You no longer know what to do - nothing helps. You have already explained to him a thousand times, “they…

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Bravo my dear

“It’s not you who decides where we are going. Parents decide, ”the French are strict in raising their children. The authority of the elders is unshakable. A child is not the “center of the Universe,” he adapts to the rules accepted in society: he and the adults line up in the store and in the toilet, calmly dine with his parents in a restaurant and are in no hurry to leave the table. Playrooms for children in restaurants are a rarity in France. Children are “little adults.” The words “hello”, “thank you” and “goodbye” are instilled in children from birth along with the words “mom” and “dad”.
French children, of course, play and play pranks, but when crossing the boundaries of what is permitted, any adult – whether one of the parents or an outsider in general – has the right to make a remark to the child. I was not very pleased when one day my neighbor took my son yelling all over the street to the side, because he didn’t want to climb the stairs himself, and harshly explained to him that “it’s FORBIDDEN to shout at my mother and that even if you don’t have something like it, IT decides anyway, NOT YOU. ” After that, he cried even harder, but subsequently he was no longer capricious at the sight of this staircase.

“Children love to“ make moods, ”and the adult’s task is by no means to follow their lead and not to give in to the child at this moment,” the headmaster of my daughter once taught me. As a result, French children are polite and unpretentious. But at the same time, paradoxically, they are quite open and confident in themselves. It is difficult to call them complex: they calmly and judiciously share their opinions with elders, do not hesitate, go on stage, etc. Maybe because, despite their exactingness on the behavior of the child, the French, on the contrary, are quite loyal to his successes at school and in circles. Parents heartily rejoice at any achievements of their children and, without any shyness, can declare that their child is the best.

I suddenly remembered one famous Hollywood comedy … In the house of the main character’s parents, a letter hung in a prominent place. For the honorable tenth place in some school competitions. For tenth place … out of ten. The film was very fun to watch – the comedy is simply a masterpiece. But the point here is not literacy, of course. And the fact that the boy’s parents, despite all his shortcomings, was very proud of him. And always with ease and genuine sincerity praised him. But in fact, not every parent can just so easily once again praise his child.

Waiting for my daughter in the locker room of the ballet school. French grandmother meets her granddaughter after class. “You’re done, I congratulate you!” “What is this?” – I wonder to myself. You were doing great with ribbons! ”- said the grandmother, kissing the girl. And it’s okay that all the other movements of the overweight and clumsy girl were difficult. And it does not matter that the band has been dancing with ribbons for more than one month. Her granddaughter did it today, and it was very important for my grandmother to tell the girl: “Bravo, my dear!”

I drink coffee, watching my daughter’s lesson in the pool. One boy for a long time could not jump from the tower. All the other guys have been doing this for a long time, and he decided to do it only a month later. And it’s okay that he kicked fearfully and awkwardly into the water, holding on to the trainer’s wand. And it doesn’t matter at all that then he swam the pool longer than all the rest. His dad still took his son’s hand and said: “Bravo, my champion!”

One day my daughter told me that she didn’t have any bad grades at all. “It cannot be, a student cannot never be completely mistaken,” I remark critically. Of course, this cannot be. It’s just that French elementary schools don’t give bad grades. There is only one rating. It is called “TV” – abbreviated très bien. That is very good. If the task is performed incorrectly, then the rating is not put at all. Every Friday, the teacher transfers all workbooks home so that parents can see what their child learned last week. “Be sure to praise the children when you see my TV in their notebooks. This is a very powerful motivation for them to study well, ”the teacher asked us at the meeting (by the way, he does not look like a teacher in our usual sense: long hair, beard, tattoo and glasses, but all the children adore him quickly enough learn material in his lessons). “And it’s not scary that there were mistakes in other tasks. But the scary thing is that not all parents praise their child for a good job. It is very important for children to hear from their mother and father the words “Bravo, great job!” The teacher told us.

One of my friends, a French mother, once shared with me that she couldn’t find a suitable frame for her daughter’s picture. “I also have a problem,” I think, looking at a completely normal at first glance landscape. But then I cut short … I remember that I simply keep the drawings of my daughter in a folder, and it never occurred to me to even make a picture of them and hang them on the wall.

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