Tram People
Most recently, I met one amazing book. This is a practical guide to psychology, written not for scientists and psychology students, but for ordinary people. Simple, but not simple. Because…

Continue reading →

Bravo my dear
“It’s not you who decides where we are going. Parents decide, ”the French are strict in raising their children. The authority of the elders is unshakable. A child is not…

Continue reading →

How to raise a successful person (E. Wojdicki)
When we learned that Mom was publishing a book, we decided that it was for us, her children, to write a preface about how it feels when your mother is…

Continue reading →

Mother? Or a woman?

The psychological mistake of changing roles: modern women, building relationships with the chosen man, try to become a real Woman for their man, and become a real Mother

or psychological mistake of role reversal

Psychologists say that women themselves, with their own hands, are able to fatally destroy their personal happiness even at the foundation stage, while thinking that they behave well and act according to the instructions …

In all the variety of psychological errors in relationships (which both women and men make), I want to single out one often made by women and talk about it.

Psychologists give such a metaphor for ideal relationships: “In ideal harmonious relationships, as in ballroom dancing, one partner always leads, and the second follows him closely!”

Speaking of ballroom dancing …

Very often, ballroom dance teachers face the following problem: the modern girls entrusted to them move well, flexibly, gracefully and even to the music, but … In a pair dance, they begin to “lead” their partner, and this destroys the whole picture of ballroom dance, killing his philosophy and aesthetics are at the root.

These teachers spend a lot of time on how to wean girls to “lead” boys in dance! It is difficult for dance teachers, because they are not psychotherapists …

But this problem is psychological.

What happens in the dance class is transferred as a model – into real life, and from real life back to the dance class.

The problem of modern women is that, building relationships with the chosen man, they try (and these are also those who generally “try something like that!”) Try to become a real Woman for their man, and become … a real Mother. For the role of Mother to us, at the very least, is still known, but the role of Woman … she needs to be restored by the bones, like a relict fossil – a mammoth.

How not to make this psychological mistake of role reversal?

It is necessary to affirm on your nose the one and only rule: always retreat, giving your Man a Leading Role.

Then and only then you will become your Man – Woman.

And here (for those interested) what the role of the Mother looks like:

You help the man (when he cuts off a piece of the board)
You advise a man (at what distance to drive a nail)
You do for him what he should do himself (carry bags)
You work as a permanent “Reminder,” thinking that he is forgetful,
You “educate” him as a child, as a younger brother, as an inconsolable classmate – in intonation, in the selection of words addressed to him, in general,
You take responsibility for his affairs and his life (did you pass the session? Why didn’t you pass the session?)
In other words – you DO NOT TRUST your man and moreover – in every possible way demonstrate to him this distrust.

And how is it – “trusting your Man”?

Trusting your man (in modern society) means at least for the beginning to learn to behave as if you are calm and really good with him. Do not sow panic – there will be no crush – there will be no tragedy …

If you do not know how to do it – study.

But if you are still very, very uneasy next to your man – maybe you were mistaken in choosing a man? Maybe you should not build a family estate of three floors on an active volcano?

And finally, the last observation in the spirit of the classic credo of psychotherapy:

If your faith in men is shaken, it’s not the man who is to blame, you are to blame.

(The same can be said of men, respectively, by changing the poles).

As a matter of fact, you are not “to blame” … You just have an urgent psychological problem that you need to begin to calmly and competently solve, including in the psychologist’s office, due to his spiritual resources and his high professionalism.

But not at the expense of the mental resources of your man who does not have the appropriate training to adequately withstand the neurotic onslaught of the modern Mother Woman, a mother who does not know what it is – the role of the Woman.

Onslaught of the Single Mother …

The baby cries: is it always necessary to twitch it?
In the beginning - briefly. What is the most important thing for mom? - Do not worry, get enough sleep and be calm. Do I need to be attentive to…


Why and how to play role-playing games with children 3-7 years old
Preschoolers must always play role-playing and plot-role-playing games (the difference between these two concepts is well written here). A role-playing game is like a “recipe”, not only for teaching writing,…


Parenting is easy, or the Golden Rules for Parents
The participants of our trainings asked us to collect the main thing that smart parents should remember and know. We smiled and wrote. If you are not only smart, but…


Throw a bowl of cookies!
I speak with parents of preschool children and even older children: almost every first one mentions “problems with feeding” or “does not eat normal food”. Moreover, the children are different:…