Yelling or not yelling at children
Do you have the right to yell at children when tearing off? Reading my latest materials, you, the Reader, might think that I urge everyone to blow dust off their…

Continue reading →

How to wean a child to cry for no reason
I have been working at school with children of primary school age for more than 20 years. I have accumulated many different school stories about difficulties in raising children and…

Continue reading →

Gaseous people
In nature, a substance exists in three states: in solid, liquid, and in gaseous. (There is still plasma, but to present this in the logic of my metaphor is already…

Continue reading →

Marriage … Positive reframing

I’ll briefly recall what “positive reframing” is. Reframing is the brainchild of Peseshkian’s positive psychotherapy, as well as behavioral psychotherapy and NLP.

Reframing is such a purely linguistic (verbal) operation to reformulate one’s attitude to an event – from an unusually negative attitude to an unusually positive attitude. Reframing, therefore, provides a positive meaning in any event.

A special case of reframing is renaming. Some processes, things and phenomena need new “names”, as their old names carry a clearly negative meaning and are doomed from the very beginning.

This happens according to the principle – whatever you call a boat, it will sail.

Reframing is used with might and main, even reaching ridiculous. A well-known example is the innovation “master of cleanliness” instead of without the blessed term “cleaning lady”.

You can laugh as much as you like, but sometimes a person has no choice but to apply reframing to himself and his situation. And the drowning man grabs at any straw. And laughing at him at that moment is stupid and tactless. Especially since, you see, reframing is such a thing that works. This straw is really capable of saving drowning people and saving them in hundreds of … those, of course, who believe in this, are seriously engaged in this, leaving aside nothing leading to anything – skepticism and gnawing.

But let’s finish with the introduction. Today I want to reframing such a well-known word as BRAC.

Who just did not laugh at the word marriage! “Marriage” in Russian is a doomed word, because nothing good will be called “marriage”, will it?

This negative term is supplemented by the term “my half”, which is also the subject of gnawing, although for a smaller number of people.

Half is some kind of … a broken cup, or what? And who wants to be “half a broken cup”? Who, of his own free will, imagines himself a fragment, a shard, part of a broken – read – DEFECTIVE product? How can I drink from such a cup?

I agree – no way. But, without canceling the plot of “overwhelming”, “half-heartedness,” I found another – a positive context for this situation, and he will save us. Go Reader! I will show you a true love story …

As always, the Chinese, or rather the Chinese “Book of Changes” – “I Ching” helped me in this search and gain.

Hexagram No. 31 “Interaction”
There is one hexagram in the Book of Changes, numbered 31.

Hexagram number 31

Remember this number for now. The hexagram is traditionally translated into Russian as “INTERACTION”, and among the Chinese it is an absolute identity, however, here is the semantic line: marriage, family, strong friendship, the mysterious and fateful interweaving of two (namely, two) human destinies.

But this very Chinese character, which Russian translators translate as “interaction” (that is, marriage) has another very ancient and completely unexpected meaning for us. Attention!

The Chinese character “Interaction” literally means also this:

“A broken ceramic product whose connected halves serve as a password when meeting secret allies.”

That’s what a “marriage” is! And what kind of “halves” are we talking about!

That’s right.

From the point of view of the layman uninitiated into a secret, a cup (ceramic product), broken in half, is a marriage, a thing in a banal “household” is already worthless. But you take it higher!

Nobody is going to drink tea from such a cup! She is a symbol, a sign that serves to ensure that the meeting of two secret agents who do not know each other either in person or by name takes place.

In ancient Greece, by the way, for such purposes a coin was used, which was also divided into two ragged uneven halves. Also – “marriage”. Would you really pay a greengrocer on the market with such a coin? But the “broken” coin did not serve the Greeks for these purposes …

The philosophy of the “halves”
With the concept of “marriage” we figured out. Now let’s talk about the complex and controversial philosophy of the “half” …

I often come across such a statement, which has now become overly popular: “The second half happens with pills, brains and ass. And I am a beautifully existing whole. ”

In my opinion, there is nothing more harmful than such a philosophy, unless it is youthful maximalism, which passes by itself at the right time.

A wonderful Chinese image of specially broken pieces (by whom? Let us leave this question for now …) is an image suitable for a ready-made plot for good fairy-tale therapy, it sounds like a high and accurately striking psychotherapeutic metaphor, although all this was not made up, it was actually It’s just a historical fact.

However, in order to “penetrate” this plot about a specially defective cup, “enter it”, as psychologists say, and so that this plot influences you, causes insight, understanding … for this you need to understand, realize and accept its own partiality and even inferiority …

Pride falls asleep on a person’s eyes, like sand during a dust storm. It makes him feel “whole,” not needing anyone at all. (Remember, Chinese “marriage” translates as “different types of long and fruitful communication of people”)

Developmental Psychology and the Divide and Conquer Principle
My friend, a psychologist-colleague, sitting at someone else's group seminar as a “supervision”, whispered to me somehow whimsically-pouted in my ear (as he generally likes to do this): “I don’t…

...

A medicine called “Listen”
The great psychotherapist Carl Rogers made a very big contribution to the development of not only his industry - psychology, but also managed to greatly change our world. Do you…

...

Learning problems
This art-therapeutic technique is least of all oriented towards schoolchildren and students who have low motivation to receive education and good grades. This art-therapeutic technique is understood by the term…

...

How to build sensible obedience through an initiative
In this article, we summarize the research conducted by us, teachers at the Escalibur Camp camps. For several years now, we have been changing shifts in our children's camps. One…

...