When does Mature Love come?
There is a popular opinion, confirmed by experts, that first love and first (early) marriages – always fall apart. Why is that? Let’s try to find out.
To answer this question, I attracted a number of psychotherapeutic metaphors. And so, Metaphor One. “Dance”.
And now Music began to play … Is Dance important? Or is the partner important?
At some point, unearthly music begins to sound in the ears of a young creature. She orders him to dance. Someone calls this music hormones. Someone – “the stage of socialization through the search for a partner to create a family.” But this is boring. Let’s leave the metaphor of the Dance.
The young creature looks around and sees: everyone around them has been waltzing for a long time. Near the wall are only the most unpleasant creatures. So, God forbid, not to be in the company of “unpleasant creatures,” the young creature rushes to the center of the circle, picks up a partner along the road (everyone dances – in pairs) and starts spinning, happily noting to himself – it turns out, and no worse than others.
At this stage of life, the most important thing for a person is to enter the rhythm and pattern of a common dance, not to stay behind the circle of dancers.
Therefore, the answer to the question asked in the title is obvious: the partner is not important at all, the Dance is important.
They danced … and parted. The partner was unsympathetic. But they danced to “five”!
However, the Dance metaphor does not explain much on this complex issue – why the first, early marriages “disappear” and the “first love” is lost. Therefore, I introduce a second psychotherapeutic metaphor.
The script of the film in the genre of “love melodrama.”
Scripts of love. I want to act in films!
We all live in a world where we see nothing but … texts of different difficulty levels. We only interact with texts, that’s how they work. Therefore we are people. We do not know how to simply – contemplate, simply live the moment “here and now”, as animals, infants, and yoga do.
No event of Reality simply exists for us until we make sure that it can be retold, repainted, reposted, that is, turned into a dead, static and very subjective Text for the public.
We won’t be able to enjoy the yellow autumn tree, just staring at it for an hour, two or three – until we get a camera or phone and take a picture of what we saw, turning a piece of Reality into Text.
We will not be able to enjoy yesterday’s delightful event if we have no one to retell it in detail by phone to our friends the next day.
That is, to turn our living experience, which we should not share with anyone (if we have a mind!) Into a public Text.
Therefore, when the time comes to Love, we also choose Lyrics written in the genre of “love melodrama.” Ready (moreover, template!) Texts, and not Living Partners, to which, in general, we do not care. How the theater actress doesn’t care before her partner, who plays Othello with her, is doing.
How does this happen?
Of course, we know that Love exists from the Texts. Tales, cartoons, magazines, glossy photos, video clips, advertising, stories of mothers and friends, songs, and, of course, books, ballets, operas, French cinema help us in this.
Each person is able to embrace with his mind, probably, within a thousand different stories about Love. Even if its region is poor in magazines, music videos and ballets, the young creature will find where to get information about Scripts of romantic stories. The Collective Unconscious will open them to him, in the Archive, into the Library of which the young creature will dive in his dreams and vague, intuitive daydreaming.
The scenarios of Love really are the sea. And everyone seeks to select a few “the coolest” – to their own taste. And all of them by all means – to win back!
Something like this, a young theatrical debutante wants to play everything that is in the theater at once: Juliet, Tatiana, Ophelia, Carmen, and Katerina, and … Sonechka Marmeladova is not necessary. Notice that the young creature is even ready to suffer and die in the course of the play he longs to play on the stage of the theater of life. Just to clap.
That is why, at the beginning of the life path of “easy ways”, none of the young ones is looking for. Everyone understands – the more tragic the story, the more they will clap.
Let’s try to list together several popular scenarios that young creatures are trying so hard to play back, heard the call of hormones and embarked on the path of Love.
The scripting library is poorer:
“He is a gray-haired teacher, she is a student,”
“He is an investigator, she is a prostitute,”
“He is a doctor, she is a hysterical patient,”
“He is a married businessman, she is a stewardess,”
“He is a drinking Artist-genius, she is a silently suffering wife, a former Muse”,
“He is Tchaikovsky, she is Baroness von Meck,”
“He is a heroin rock musician, she is a model from the glamorous business,”
“He is an Arab sheikh, she is a blond Slav.”
Well, maybe enough? And so everything is already clear …
When does Mature Love come?
(If you remember, this is the title of the material …)
Mature Love comes when all your favorite scenarios are played long ago and are very tired. And this is a very long time …