Raising a boy
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Developmental Psychology and the Divide and Conquer Principle
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Mother? Or a woman?
The psychological mistake of changing roles: modern women, building relationships with the chosen man, try to become a real Woman for their man, and become a real Mother or psychological…

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Tram People

Most recently, I met one amazing book. This is a practical guide to psychology, written not for scientists and psychology students, but for ordinary people.

Simple, but not simple. Because these “simple” people sometimes know more than any other psychologist. We are talking about the parents of the so-called hyperactive children with attention deficit and learning disabilities …

This is a very polite term that does not say anything about the tragedy of parents. Such children are usually expelled from all circles, kindergartens, and then from school. They study at home. It’s hard to live with such people in the same apartment, but to be in public is impossible. These are the very children who beat and bite mom and peers, turn blue with hysteria and fall to the floor in the store.

And here in this book the curtain is lifted over the mystery: what, what mechanism underlies the behavior of such children. And of course. The book teaches how to independently correct such a child.

The fact is that all existing corrective techniques with these children do not work, but only exacerbate their condition. All corrective techniques are aimed at correcting the behavior … of a practically healthy person. They do not delve into the neuropsychological causes of such abnormal behavior and therefore are useless.

“It is a waste of time, along with such children, to discuss how other people feel about whom they are aggressive. Neither praise nor gifts make such children commit socially approved acts. All attempts to “distract” such a child only aggravate his condition. The tactics of “ignoring hysteria” leads him to convulsions and “rolling up”, while the punishments go like water off a goose, without a trace ”.

A more correct diagnosis of such children (and as we will see later – and adults) is NEUROLOGICAL IMMATURITY.

In other words, it’s also called JAM.

“The rigidity,” obstinacy “of such children in the language of psychophysiology is called – the prevalence of inhibition processes over excitation processes. “Neuropsychologists call this inability to switch attention, the pathological process of getting stuck.”

Let’s see what usually “pisses off” such a child?
Such a child is annoyed by any situation when something went wrong as he planned and assumed.

The situation when we decided something for ourselves, planned, and “it suddenly went wrong” is called FRUSTRENCE. More precisely, this is the name of the feeling we experience in this situation. The death or delay of hope for something definite.

I was going to go buy a swell, but here we need to spend money on a tooth. Bummer!

Going on vacation – “asked” to work.

She was about to go on a date – her beloved and beloved stockings were torn.

I wanted to go to this cafe, it is closed at the banquet.

Dreamed of a ballerina career – damaged the meniscus.

How does a person react to an EMOTIONALLY MATURE BEHAVIOR? He develops the skills of “delaying the desired”, “self-consolation”, quick search for alternatives.

Here, suppose a child with an average “stuck”. He was just about to walk “a little more” and climb into the garage with Petka. But then his mother leans out the window and shouts: “So, go home now. Aunt Mila is coming and taking us to Auchan. ”

A child with an average “stuck” will quarrel and conflict for some time, but his mother and aunt will not ruin the day for Auchan. A child who is purely normal will say: “Okay, Petka. Till! We’ll climb tomorrow. And then, you hear, maman yells. ” And he is sure to “bargain” for himself some kind of purchase. But there are very few such “adult” children now.

What happens with complete pathology?
But it’s scary. The child was poured juice. He planned to drink juice. But then with an awkward movement of the hand, someone (perhaps the child himself) turns the glass over, and juice does not. The child begins an unprecedented tantrum. It doesn’t matter what juice is in the house, as in a store. He was prevented from performing the planned action – to drink this particular glass of juice … And the child could not cope with frustration. Up to two years is normal. After two, start to sound the alarm.

Another example. A child has the habit of coming home from school to eat an apple and a croissant that had been stored the day before. In silence, peace and loneliness. One day he comes home and discovers that the sister and the sister cropped the croissant. Parents are indifferent and laugh. The child begins a scandal and a tantrum, shouting to his sister and parents, “I hate you all. You want my death. ”

Parents will try to explain to the child that the sister has not lost bread cards and the family is not in danger of hunger. That you can’t be “so greedy.” Parents do not understand one thing: the child is not greedy! He could not cope with the deceived expectation, with the destruction of his habit. His psyche does not know how to work with frustration.

Such people “roll like a tram on rails” (A wonderful metaphor invented by psychologists watching such children!) Tram children cannot go round an obstacle, turn off the road. If a car gets in the way of a tram, the tram will start ringing intensely, and the driver will pop out the window and start yelling obscenely …

Try to advise t…

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