Parent Automatic Responses
Remember, reading this list, that all these “typical answers” are the exact opposite of the so-called ACTIVE LISTENING, the only type of communication between people who are alarmed by something, which in psychology and pedagogy is considered and called psychologically competent. Everything else is psychological illiteracy and provoking a permanent conflict – up to the severance of any relationship …
So, forbidden parental (read: and not only parental) reactions to the interlocutor (child).
Automatic answer of parent No. 1
Order or team
“Stop it,” “Shut up,” “Sleep,” “So that I don’t hear this again,” “Take it away.”
When a child “does not obey”, does not fulfill his direct duties or violates the daily routine, this often means one thing: he wants to be heard in some kind of problem. And we, of course, have enough of our problems.
Automatic answer of parent No. 2
Threats and warnings
“If you will do this, then I will” and other phrases up to “Look, how would you not be worse.”
When a child is alarmed by something, the threats do not act on him, and they harden even more. He feels himself “abandoned in distress” and this ends with aggression against his parents.
Automatic answer of parent No. 3
Lectures on morality, sermons, moralizing.
These are all reasonable and useful “religious and philosophical maxims” and truths (often quite common) that are given to the child at the wrong time. An attempt by parents with an important mine on the face to “teach the life” of their child experiencing an acute attack of “misfortune” is dangerous because the child becomes a nihilist – he begins to quietly hate “morality” and this may end in that the child really becomes “immoral” “And” immoral. ” Do not discount the commandments of good by throwing them under the feet of a child instead of affection and attention.
Automatic answer of parent No. 4
Ready-made recipes for what to do, “free tips.”
“And you go and give him a face”, “And you go and tell the teacher”, “And you don’t be friends with these people”, “I always acted in such cases …”
Interestingly, the child often CAM can come to the same decision that the parent wanted to tell him. But the key word here is himself. However, in some situations, the advice of the parent looks helpless and miserable and is quite rightly rejected by the child in the summer. Do not give quick tips without figuring out the situation. You are far from aware of all the circumstances, and you can “fish out” them from a child only by spending several hours on a confidential conversation …
But even after learning all the circumstances of the conflict – do not give your advice. The child must formulate his final decision.
Automatic answer of parent No. 5
“I said that it will be so-and-so, because-and-so and so-and-so”
We all know how annoying we are with the help of impeccable logic to prove to us that we did stupid things. Someone’s pedantic listing of arguments to prove that we are idiots has not made any of us more cheerful and more confident in ourselves.
However, parents love to flaunt “logic” in front of their knocked out children.
Automatic answer of parent No. 6
Criticism, sometimes reaching direct accusations
This is a situation where no matter what happens – your child is to blame. The child went out into the yard and in the yard he was hit by a bully Petya … Who is to blame? Petya? This is what you think! And here is what a “typical parent” will say:
“I told you how many times – do not walk in this yard. But you don’t listen to your mother, you wander around at night. You don’t give a damn about my health … ”
The wife left her son. Who’s guilty? Wrong, insidious? This is what you think!
But what a typical mother says: “How many times have I told you – why do you need her? But you did not obey your mother … ”
Automatic answer of parent No. 7
Although this sounds strange, praise is a very dangerous “sweet.” Psychologists advise instead of the phrases “You are well done”, “You are beautiful”, “You are smart”, “You are strong” to talk … about yourself and your feelings. (In psychology, this type of utterance is called “I-utterance”)
Say: “I was so pleased when you performed on stage”, “I am so pleased, proud, glad” …
The fact is that praise is a drug. If the child gets used to hearing “You’re done,” he will demand praise all the time, work “for praise,” like a drug addict for a dose.
At school and then at work, such “trapped” people always ask for “praise”, which, of course, annoys the whole team. They are ready to turn mountains and set fire to a thousand enemy fortresses, just to hear: “You are well done with us.” Do not make the child the addict (addict) of the word “Clever Girl.” This is a very vulgar word from the vocabulary of vulgar relationships.
Automatic answer of parent No. 8
Making fun of “pedagogical” purposes
Some brave parents like to stop children’s tantrums (as they think – innocent)