Yelling or not yelling at children
Do you have the right to yell at children when tearing off?
Reading my latest materials, you, the Reader, might think that I urge everyone to blow dust off their children.
After all, the basic truth of psychology: “all problems are from the wrong relations of mothers with a baby” and, in general, “carers with children”, it scares anyone you want to half to death.
Some in horror do not know where to take the next step in a relationship with their child …
Others plunge into the sweet abyss of revengeful memories of their “ruined” childhood and threaten their parents like madman Eugene the Bronze Horseman: “ALREADY YOU!”
In fact, the “ideal” conditions for raising children are also bad.
After all, communicating with “imperfect” parents, the child learns to comprehend this complex and unpredictable world as it is, without embellishment. And this is also an invaluable and rewarding experience.
Nature wisely arranged for neurotic mothers to babysit the kids. For the world they are stepping into, barely rubbing milk from their lips, is also not built on the principles of Aristotelian logic and ancient harmony …
To deprive a child of experience of communication with unpredictable and unjust fools is both dangerous and harmful. So a person will never develop immunity to filth and infection, the infection of the mental level.
Of course, I exaggerate, get me right.
Of course, I stand for the psychological culture of people who then become parents and then grandmothers and grandfathers to increase (and not at all drop and stay at the same level) from generation to generation.
Of course, I want the children to be brought to the orthodontist, to the psychologist, and to the ballet in a timely manner. I am for the fact that the children had straight teeth, straight posture and a healthy head … And I am for peace in the whole world …
All this does not mean that children need to create some ridiculous artificial “right” conditions and walk around the house in felt shoes so as not to make noise when the child is sleeping.
After all, we, at times, misunderstand what is considered “right” from the point of view of psychology.
I want to recommend to all parents (and not only parents) books written by one wonderful psychologist – Julia Borisovna Gippenreiter.
She has written several books about parenting. Here they are:
“Communicate with the child. How?”
“We continue to communicate with the child. So?”
and a wonderful anthology composed of the memoirs of prominent people about his childhood:
“To parents. How to be a child? ”
Actually, the theme of this article was prompted by the recollections of Lydia Chukovskaya, the daughter of Korney Ivanovich Chukovsky.
And the topic of my article, I recall, is this:
“Is it possible to yell at children, breaking down?”
It turns out you can. But there are a few buts.
Now I will quote you a story that happened at a dacha in Peredelkino with little Lydia, who was screamed by her beloved dad – Korney Chukovsky. So, the case of an unbalanced dad is being heard.
“Korney Ivanovich suddenly tears off the glove from my hand and throws it far into the snowdrift, to the stakes of someone else’s fence.
You Repin holds out his hand without a glove. (He screams in fury.) And you dare to serve your own – without taking it off! Nothing! Who do you put a mitten under your nose? After all, with this very hand he wrote “They did not wait” and “Mussorgsky.” Balda! ”
I started to cry. I don’t understand what my fault is. Repin greeted me. I gave him a hand and answered “Hello.” How do I know what is impossible with a glove? I have not been told this before. And what were they not expecting there? And who is Mussorgsky?
Probably Korney Ivanovich was unjust in his anger, wrong, and in any case, unedagogical. But how grateful I am now to him for this wrong. ”
Here is how the child psychologist Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter comments on this text. He comments in his book “To Parents: How to Be a Child”.
“Children, as a rule, forgive explosions if they see that for an adult it is absolutely serious, that an adult defends some of his (hopefully, general cultural) ideals.
It forgives when a child perceives the outbursts of paternal (or, less often, maternal) anger as a continuation of his ardent interest in him.
Those adults whom psychologist Julia Borisovna Gippenreiter calls “childish dads and mothers” have the right to “childish” tricks. “Guys” quarrel – make peace.
And what does it mean to be a “childish” dad or a “childish” mom?
And this does not mean “FINDING TIME FOR CHILD EDUCATION.” And this means – LIVING WITH CHILDREN, constantly playing with them, doing their studies and education, sharing with them their love for poetry and people, for films and for cities.
Are you not that kind of parent? Then – forget about all that.
You do not have the right to yell at your child, breaking down.