How to educate schoolchildren
Our hero is known as the pioneer of practical psychology for a Russian audience. Doctor of Psychology, Professor Nikolai Ivanovich Kozlov has been managing the Sinton training center, the oldest in Russia, for more than 30 years. Together with his students, he maintains the most popular psychology portal in Runet, Psychologos, is the rector of the University of Practical Psychology, and writes books for millions of readers. He recently released the new “Simple Right Childhood,” a guide for smart and strong parents. Material for her, in particular, was her own rich experience, because Nikolai Ivanovich is the father of five children. Without offering simple solutions, he leads his readers to the impressive results of the most important work in the world – parental.
– You are a psychologist with great experience. Both older people and children of the new Russia come to your consultation. Whom do modern Moscow schools bring up?
– I can’t talk about schools in general, but about classrooms – completely! I myself studied at a good school, and my children graduated from wonderful schools. In those years when I was a schoolboy, among the best were guys with a developed value sphere. Children knew what to live for, had ideals, they understood that life does not boil down to just eating, getting dressed, “starring”. We had a theater in our school, we read a lot, we were proud that we knew poetry, literature. We respected developed people, we wanted to reach their level. Now there is more pathos, more cool, more games, entertainment, brightness. Nevertheless, now there are superbly educated children who have everything in order with their heads and values. Talk about which students were before and which now … do you need? It is important for normal parents what kind of children surround his child in this particular school, and if desired, this can be taken under control, changed, done.
– Many parents complain that the atmosphere in the classroom is difficult to change …
– The atmosphere is created by leaders. They say: the class is not the same. And you make that class! We decided that our daughters would not go to school in our area. My wife came there and asked: “Is there any chance that my girls will study here?” They answered her: “Please work as a teacher in the preparatory group for a year, we will take them.” She agreed, got down to business, and after that she met the children, all the children recognized her, she was in the parent committee, gained authority. When parents take an active position, are familiar with teachers, with the director, know everyone with whom the children communicate, then they can and will determine the microclimate of the class. I came to school with great interest and pleasure, conducted psychological games and classes there. The children were cool, unexpected. If you teach your children not to be led by popular culture, to be leaders, then your values, which, I hope, are shared by your children, become class values. The parent committee is usually great people, and the teachers are usually very good, they are not easy now, they need to be supported so that they understand that their work is appreciated. Make contacts. Take care not only of your child – think of all the children. Become the person you are listening to. And so many issues are being addressed. Then begins a much more fun, understandable, productive work.
– It’s nice to admire parents who can help children solve their problems in relationships with peers, it’s such a rarity!
– It seems that in the eighth grade my girls went to the winter camp, but with a delay. There, by that time, relations had already been more or less established, and they did not fall into the hierarchy to a worthy place. My daughter calls me with frustrated intonation: “Dad, stupid camp, I don’t like everything … Dad, can I somehow become a leader here?” I say: “Not a question.” In five minutes he told her the technology how to do it. Two days later, she called again: “Such a cool camp!” She mastered, made friends with the girls, everything is wonderful. When the children know that the father will help, teach, they will always be all right. Now the daughters have matured, they have wonderful friends, life is seething and happy. Observing children immediately understand what kind of relationship is in the family, including in the homes of friends and classmates. They want to kiss dad there? What about mom? Do the children obey them? And how do parents say: how sensible or how stupid? Can they be trusted? And parents themselves achieved something in life, does anyone respect them? Children are not stupid, they see everything.
– There is a problem that worries, perhaps, all conscious parents. The number of cases where children spread bullying, beating and rape in a network is growing and growing. As a journalist, I have been to three prisons, including for minors. The head of the Mozhaisk colony, who had worked there for thirty years, said that now it’s just a shaft of crimes that have nothing to do with profit — cruelty for the sake of cruelty. Why are children now behaving this way?
“I can only think.” First: what horror-horror is for us, children who are not taught empathy are perceived as a game. Cruelty is our adult assessment.